It was around this time two years ago, that I was facing one of the biggest transitions of my life. Well, several actually.
I was about 3 1/2 months pregnant (VERY nauseous), working full time, packing up our condo, and saying goodbye to my husband who was headed north to start a job that we had been praying for. I would be making the journey up to Oregon to join him in the following month.
There was so much unknown and so many emotions that came with that unknown....excitement, anxiety, hope, fear, etc. etc. And, of course, pregnancy heightens every emotion.
My husband (along with my father-in-law), had been given a vision and a passion to come back to their native home of Oregon and plant a church in the heart of Portland-one of the most unchurched areas in all the U.S. While I didn't necessarily
feel the same passion or have the same vision, I was on board. I knew God was calling us to take a step of faith and move in obedience. We didn't want to look back on life and ask, "what if." What if we had missed out on something that God was doing and giving us an opportunity to be a part of. So, along with the rest of my husband's side of the family, we took the leap and God met us on the other end. He made a way through provision of jobs and housing.
Fast forward two years later, we have since closed the doors of our little church plant, PDX Bridges and our little family of 3 are going back home to Arizona. There are a still a lot of unanswered questions we all have...Why didn't it work? What could have we done differently? God, did you really call us up here in the first place? And while we may never get all of the answers on this side of eternity, I can say with 100% confidence, that these two years have not been in vein and there is
blessing in following God in obedience...no matter the outcome.
In these two years, there has been a lot of suffering. Not in a "I'm a victim" sort of way, but the kind of suffering that comes from being humbled. Pruned might be a better word. Yeah, that's the word. I have wrestled with doubt, depression, loneliness, selfishness, pride, envy...just to name a few things; All the while navigating through this new role of motherhood.
There is A LOT of rain up here in the pacific northwest, but in many ways, I have felt like a tree planted in a desert, desperate for some living water...the opposite of
this tree.
You may be reading this thinking, "well, that doesn't sound like a blessing," but let me tell you, I would not trade this season of life for anything. This is probably the farthest I have
felt from the Lord, but the nearest I've SEEN Him. People, I am telling you, God is so faithful. In spite of all our crap (for lack of a better word). He loves His children so so much and it is absolutely 100% unmerited. God has provided for us in miraculous ways and lovingly been disciplining me to bring me to maturity...
As I'm trying to wrap my mind around the events that have transpired this past month (and even these two years) I can't help but stand back in complete awe of the sovereignty of God. It's great to make plans for our lives and I believe that God wants us to have plans and not stay stagnant in life, BUT things can change so quickly...things that we could have never planned or orchestrated ourselves.
My brother-in-law said something to us recently... He said, "A month after you get to Arizona, you're gonna think, wow, we miss so many things about Oregon." I know He's right. We are leaving a lot behind. Our family (Ryan's side) including his grandfather that has become my grandpa, my best friend, Audrey's best friend and cousin, green, sweet sweet friends that have supported us... just to name a few things.
But, I'm ready to close this chapter. I'm ready to go back home with a new perspective and appreciation for all that we left behind 2 years ago. We needed this time away. We thought we were coming up here for one thing and got so much more.
There is so much more I could say.... even just about Bridges. I'm sad that I didn't blog or journal more. Maybe I will now. Not to pine over the past, but just to share things I've learned. We'll see. :)
For now, I'm just so thankful. Thankful that God is Sovereign and I am not.
