Rose colored glasses

When Ryan and I were dating and eventually got engaged, we both remained pretty level-headed about our expectations of marriage. Yes, there was excitement and anticipation, but I think we were both pretty confident that marriage was not always going to be a picnic in the park. It's tough sometimes and takes work.


Now, becoming a parent...that is a whole other ballgame!! I will be the first to admit that I had myself a pair of rosie colored glasses about this mommy gig. You see, since I was a little girl, I have dreamt of the day I would have a baby. Playing house as a kid was always my favorite, and of course, I was always the designated mommy. ;) I knew that bringing someone into the world was going to be my greatest and most significant job for my entire life, but I had full confidence that everything would just come naturally. Toward the end of my pregnancy, people would ask me, "are you getting nervous about being a parent?" And the things I worried about were more the emotional and spiritual responsibilities of raising a child, never once was I concerned about meeting my child's physical demands. DEMANDS is the key word here. ;)

The reality of parenting is so different than what I had thought it would be. For example: I knew baby was going to need to be fed. I had images of gazing into my daughter's eyes as she suckled at my breast and it would just be so easy and natural. And at night, as we got ready for bed, I would rock her gently to sleep as I sang her a sweet lullaby and she would enter into sweet slumber through the night. Or after we have had a blissful feeding, I would put her over my shoulder and burp her with no difficulty. Oh and if there was any spit up, it would magically land on her cute little burp rag. HAHAHA...NOT!!! From day one, it's fighting this huge learning curve while in the midst of the most extreme exhaustion. I'm talking like death didn't sound so bad b/c I'd be able to sleep...no just kidding. ;) Here is this tiny, fragile, beautiful little person, screaming at me and I supply her every need. The reality is: Breastfeeding is painful (as least for me)! and it didn't come so naturally to me and baby. We've had to work at it. Sweet slumber? umm, yeah. Those first two weeks I felt like I was in a bad episode of the twilight zone. Audrey wanted to sleep all day (and so she did) and, you guessed it, be in and out of consciousness all night. And it's a bit of a lonely and helpless feeling when you're up in the middle of the night with an inconsolable child. And I got myself one gassy baby. If she has a gas bubble, we are gonna hear about it until it's out! ;) Oh and spit up? Usually ends up on me or hubby....which is mostly just funny. AND, babies are little poop machines and diapers are not Cheap!! lol. ;)

Now fast forward to present day. It's been 7 weeks since D-day (delivery day) and I can honestly say that although reality is different, it is better, because it's reality and we have our sweet, healthy, baby here. Things just seem to be getting easier with each passing day and with each hour of sleep we clock in. Me and baby girl aren't strangers anymore. In fact, we are pretty much like best buds! She sleeping better at night. She's even slept a few 6 hour stretches...GLORIOUS!! I'm loving those moments that I know she is cranky b/c she is tired and I can simply rock her to sleep in my arms. She started smiling at 2 weeks and just melts our hearts with every little grin. Things aren't easy by any means, but they don't feel so overwhelming (it's amazing what a little sleep can do for a person).

I did not write this post to sound like a total downer or complain about the responsiblities of parenthood (yes, I know, we signed up for this), but just to simple share my experience. Ryan and I have had some serious discussions about how difficult parenting is and we've only been doing it for 7 weeks. I am so BLESSED to have a supportive and loving husband by my side in this parenting gig. We have looked at each other in the midst of complete exhaustion and said, "how do single or teenage mom's do this or parents with multiple kids?!" I'm a quarter of a century old and I know the only way I have survived or will continue to survive this journey is by God's SUPERNATURAL strength! I've cried out more "HELP ME GOD" prayers in the last several weeks and recited Philippians 4:13 over and over, and let me tell you...God is faithful to hear our cries and is faithful to His promises. I CAN do all things THROUGH CHRIST who strengthens me! He is strong when I am weak.

So thankful that the Lord has chosen and entrusted us with this little miracle. I pray and will continue to pray that I can be the parent that Audrey needs, not just to meet her physical demands, but her spiritual needs. I pray that I can help create in her an appetite and a LOVE for the Lord and that as she grows she would be used by God to bless others and further His Kingdom!

In closing, if any of you reading this and are pregnant or thinking about having kids in the near future, do yourself a favor and take off your 'rose colored glasses' right now. It's going to be challenging and humbling and take the selfishness right out of you, but the reward greatly exceeds the sacrifice! You get to be a part of one of God's greatest miracles and have a front seat in watching your baby grow!..You will want to see it in CLEAR VIEW! :)

Love,

A very thankful and proud mama